Giving birth and becoming a new parent during a pandemic has unique challenges. This blog is the second in a series that covers preparation for birth and parenting at this time - because with restrictions in place for many of our health services, the way you prepare matters more than ever.
This blog is part of a series focusing on how you can empower yourself ahead of your birth. There are currently restrictions on additional birth support in Sydney hospitals and you can expect staff to be working harder than usual with resources being stretched. You will need to be proactive in approaching your birth with knowledge and confidence, this blog series contains suggestions on how to do that. This part is focusing on Communication.
Part of giving birth in a hospital or birth centre means communicating with your care providers - and them communicating with you - about your choices, options and decisions in relation to your birth, your care and the care of your baby.
Many people find this difficult or awkward. They’re not sure how to advocate for themselves, they’re sometimes worried about offending the staff if they don’t agree, some people are concerned about the care they might receive if they question recommendations. I am here to tell you that you have the right to quality care whether the staff agree with your decisions or not and that hospital staff are usually very professional and will respect the choices that you make. Ultimately, this is their day at work and it’s the biggest day of your life - so who do you think is more invested?
But you still have to communicate those decisions and your expectations about your care!
COMMUNICATION DURING YOUR PREGNANCY
I believe that good communication with your care providers starts long before the day of your birth. Talk to your hospital or obstetrician about what their policies are and see if you are happy with them, if you are not then tell them ahead of time and see how they can still support you in your goals. You do not want to be having these conversations towards the end of your pregnancy - do it now!
If you’re finding appointments stressful then tell your team. They may not know that they are upsetting you. I have had clients with, for example, a high BMI or who are a little older and these issues can be constantly mentioned - it can be upsetting. Practice asking them to not mention it before going to the appointment. Finding words when you’re in a busy appointment can be hard. No need to explain, just something simple like ‘I understand that {insert issue here} but I do not want you to mention it until I am xx weeks, please put that in my notes’.
Create a birth plan (or Birth Map - see Catherine Bell’s excellent work on this) it is a great way to communicate effectively with your care providers about your birth. It helps them to understand your expectations and decisions in different circumstances ahead of time. This can be put in your file and shared among the team, helping them to reduce unnecessary interruption and give effective support to you on the day. You cannot plan birth, that isn’t the aim of creating a plan or map, the aim is to inform yourself, make some decisions and communicate with your team.
COMMUNICATION DURING YOUR BIRTH
Things don’t always go to plan during your birth and it might be that your care providers make some recommendations that are unexpected. A common way to assess these recommendations is to use the BRAIN acronym. In other words to ask about:
Benefits
Risks
Alternatives
Intuition (how do you feel about the recommendation)
Nothing (what if you do nothing or nothing right now)
Using this framework is really helpful but you might also want to think of some words that feel right for you to ask for more information, more time, more understanding etc. Again, just like with the appointments, consider practicing saying these phrases ahead of time, it really does make it easier to find the words and say them. I use the following phrases a lot as a doula, it helps to slow things down and clarify the recommendations for my clients. Examples might be:
For More Information….
‘can you say more about that’
‘what are the other options’
‘can you say that in a different way’
‘what else do we need to know’
For More Time….
‘is this an emergency’
‘we’ll need some time to process this information’
‘can you come back in 10 minutes'
‘we’d like some time to think and discuss’
For More Understanding….
‘so, are you saying….’
‘what I understood was….. is that right’
‘do you mean……’
COMMUNICATION WITH EACH OTHER
As recommendations are made it can be common for birth partners to literally step back. This can leave the birthing woman to feel isolated and unsupported when taking in the information. Stay close by and keep talking. Hold her hand, put your hand on her arm of shoulder, physically connect in some way. It makes all the difference. Remember to not only communicate with your care providers but also with each other, this keeps you strong as a team throughout the birth.
To Check In With Each Other….
‘how’re you doing’
‘what do you need’
‘do you want any more information’
‘does this feel ok to you’
‘have you had enough time to think things over’
‘is that alright with you’
‘are you ready’
So keep communicating and connecting with your team and each other throughout your pregnancy and birth. It will contribute hugely to you having a positive birth experience, no matter how it unfolds.